On the eve of my daughter's 17th birthday (that means tonight), I have been thinking about some things that really bother me... quite a bit.
I have been walking on egg shells so much around so many people. I have tried to post as an honest person, but have really skirted issues that bring up much controversy. So... I am turning to Julie Powell and becoming as honest as I can, without mentioning names. If you know this is you, please understand that I went through great pains and many years of holding it in. I also went to great lengths and re-wording just so nobody could figure out it was you. But... I seriously doubt any of you read this, so... here goes.
There is a person in my life... he/she can be a friend or relative, it really doesn't matter. But... this person indirectly hurts more than 9 people (yes, I counted!) because of his/her lack of respect. This person blew at someone else (in the someone else's own home) very much disrespecting the someone else, and alienating others. So, "this person" feels that he/she should be able to keep everyone else moving around in circles to accommodate him/her, thereby forcing those of us who want to keep in touch with "this person" and this person's family by walking on egg shells. Now I'm sure there are some other issues... but in the end, the "right" thing to do would be to apologize. Afterall, if the "someone else" blew up at "this person" in "this person's" home, "this person" would have thrown out the someone else and expected an apology. But no... "this person" feels he/she has done no wrong and that the apology that should be given is not deserved. Whatever! Grow up and grow some balls yourself. Apologize out of respect, not necessarily out of right or wrong, but hey... you shouldn't have reacted so foolishly in the first place.
There is another person... he/she could be a friend or relative. (how vague is that?) This person constantly challenges me in front of my children, who might I remind you, are easily-influenced teenagers. This person has not reached the level of maturity that he/she should have by now. He/she is easily influenced by others, as well, but doesn't see it. He/she also doesn't see how much he/she has changed in the last year. It is not for the better. He/she's judgment and maturity has gone downhill. He/she just simply doesn't care what others think and therefore doesn't think before he/she speaks, no matter how hurtful it is to others. When called into question the things he/she says to me, in front of my children, he/she simply replied, "It's just issues I have with you." Well then, I say... you have issues with me? No worries, but you will not be displaying those in front of my kids. You have no children, you do not have the maturity to deal with children. Until you display a little more maturity and a better sense of judgment and responsibility, my kids will not be alone with you. No problem. Act like an adult. Act like the Christian you say you are. How dare you pass judgment on me, especially in front of my kids, when you know nothing of how to raise any. I will be blatently honest with this person for now on, as now I know it has to do with "me" and not just how stupid he/she can be.
Ok... one more person in my life that I walk on eggshells with... this one is a little harder to be super pc with. Ugh... I hate having to hide things. This person doesn't like drama, but expects me to share everything and anything with him/her. But, because life encompasses drama, I end up leaving a lot of my life out of our conversations. I don't feel I share all that much. (I don't seem to share all that much with anybody, as I don't want to seem "drama".) Anywho, so now I hide a lot and don't share a lot, so I am not exactly making my portion of the relationship, no matter what type of relationship it is. I don't tell this person what I am feeling when it comes to his/her family, especially his/her kids. This person is probably in total denial as to what is going on in his/her own family, especially with the kids. But... if he/she can't see it, I'm not going to be the one to burst his/her bubble! Sometimes denial or ignorance is the way to go... I guess. It probably makes life easier to deal with.
So... that's enough sharing for now. I'm still trying to think of what exactly to write about, but this came to mind. I really wanted to air it out. I have no one to really talk to about it all, because you never know who it's going to go back to, and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, especially when most of my friends/relatives are so hard-headed that they don't think they do any wrong anyway. Don't get me wrong... I do plenty, but at least I admit it.
I am not a perfect parent. I am doing the best I can and learning through my experience. I am trying to be a good person. Once again... I may not be perfect, but I'm doing the best I can and am learning through experience. Experience can be something to write about. Let me think on that one.