Airing Out Some, and only Semi-Walking on Eggshells

On the eve of my daughter's 17th birthday (that means tonight), I have been thinking about some things that really bother me... quite a bit.

I have been walking on egg shells so much around so many people. I have tried to post as an honest person, but have really skirted issues that bring up much controversy. So... I am turning to Julie Powell and becoming as honest as I can, without mentioning names. If you know this is you, please understand that I went through great pains and many years of holding it in. I also went to great lengths and re-wording just so nobody could figure out it was you. But... I seriously doubt any of you read this, so... here goes.

There is a person in my life... he/she can be a friend or relative, it really doesn't matter. But... this person indirectly hurts more than 9 people (yes, I counted!) because of his/her lack of respect. This person blew at someone else (in the someone else's own home) very much disrespecting the someone else, and alienating others. So, "this person" feels that he/she should be able to keep everyone else moving around in circles to accommodate him/her, thereby forcing those of us who want to keep in touch with "this person" and this person's family by walking on egg shells. Now I'm sure there are some other issues... but in the end, the "right" thing to do would be to apologize. Afterall, if the "someone else" blew up at "this person" in "this person's" home, "this person" would have thrown out the someone else and expected an apology. But no... "this person" feels he/she has done no wrong and that the apology that should be given is not deserved. Whatever! Grow up and grow some balls yourself. Apologize out of respect, not necessarily out of right or wrong, but hey... you shouldn't have reacted so foolishly in the first place.

There is another person... he/she could be a friend or relative. (how vague is that?) This person constantly challenges me in front of my children, who might I remind you, are easily-influenced teenagers. This person has not reached the level of maturity that he/she should have by now. He/she is easily influenced by others, as well, but doesn't see it. He/she also doesn't see how much he/she has changed in the last year. It is not for the better. He/she's judgment and maturity has gone downhill. He/she just simply doesn't care what others think and therefore doesn't think before he/she speaks, no matter how hurtful it is to others. When called into question the things he/she says to me, in front of my children, he/she simply replied, "It's just issues I have with you." Well then, I say... you have issues with me? No worries, but you will not be displaying those in front of my kids. You have no children, you do not have the maturity to deal with children. Until you display a little more maturity and a better sense of judgment and responsibility, my kids will not be alone with you. No problem. Act like an adult. Act like the Christian you say you are. How dare you pass judgment on me, especially in front of my kids, when you know nothing of how to raise any. I will be blatently honest with this person for now on, as now I know it has to do with "me" and not just how stupid he/she can be.

Ok... one more person in my life that I walk on eggshells with... this one is a little harder to be super pc with. Ugh... I hate having to hide things. This person doesn't like drama, but expects me to share everything and anything with him/her. But, because life encompasses drama, I end up leaving a lot of my life out of our conversations. I don't feel I share all that much. (I don't seem to share all that much with anybody, as I don't want to seem "drama".) Anywho, so now I hide a lot and don't share a lot, so I am not exactly making my portion of the relationship, no matter what type of relationship it is. I don't tell this person what I am feeling when it comes to his/her family, especially his/her kids. This person is probably in total denial as to what is going on in his/her own family, especially with the kids. But... if he/she can't see it, I'm not going to be the one to burst his/her bubble! Sometimes denial or ignorance is the way to go... I guess. It probably makes life easier to deal with.

So... that's enough sharing for now. I'm still trying to think of what exactly to write about, but this came to mind. I really wanted to air it out. I have no one to really talk to about it all, because you never know who it's going to go back to, and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, especially when most of my friends/relatives are so hard-headed that they don't think they do any wrong anyway. Don't get me wrong... I do plenty, but at least I admit it.

I am not a perfect parent. I am doing the best I can and learning through my experience. I am trying to be a good person. Once again... I may not be perfect, but I'm doing the best I can and am learning through experience. Experience can be something to write about. Let me think on that one.

Re-thinking... a lot...

Tonight, I finally watched "Julie & Julia". I know... for some of you that know me, you might think that I'm a little behind and you thought I would've seen it by now, especially since I love to cook so much. The truth is... I knew the premise, and I felt saddened.

How could I have let so much of life go by and not feel that kind of ambition, determination, or commitment? Julie Powell made a goal and braved it on. She had many deterrents and many errors, but she kept on. Even when she found out her idol (Julia Child) was disinterested in her work, she finished her project. And what have I done? What do I want to do? Who knows... least of all me.

As I'm sure some of you have done (and lots of others, too... as I've read their comments to the now famous Julie Powell), I felt a little inspired by her story. I felt the need to return to my blog and update it. I have been extremely neglectful in the past 6 or so months, but here I am. What to write about is another issue, all its own.

After I watched the movie, I researched Ms. Powell. She came out with another book recently and is touring the country with it. It seems much darker than her first book, but still with the brutal honesty of herself. Can I be that honest? We all have skeletons we would like to keep hidden, some more so than others. There are things that some people would rather we not publicize. Hmmm... so, once again... what to write about?

But again, back to the research... I read several things about Julie (Powell, of course, I feel like I know her well enough now to be on a first-name basis!). I told my daughter about the (SPOILER ALERT!!!) affair Julie had, that it sure was different from the "perfect marriage" we thought she had from the movie. I told my daughter about various other things. My daughter seems to think I go "full out" too much. I like to research things, to find out information, gather different opinions, get the "full" scope of the matter prior to forming my own. I like to know as much as I can about a subject (sorry Julie - I don't mean you are a subject!) as I possibly can, or as much as I can understand, since it is not always possible to understand everything.

As I sit here, writing this, I am again saddened... I simply adored the movie. It was quite delightful. However, at its end, I needed more. When I researched and found more, I was rather happy with the knowledge (not of the adultery, mind you, just that I learned more) I'd found. But it is hurtful when your own child(ren) thinks you know too much, or that you shouldn't do things completely ("full"). I would hope that I was instilling into my children that to do things 100% is the way to go. Did I miss sending this message? Let's hope that she (my daughter) means it when she says, "I didn't 'mean' it, Mom."

Maybe I shouldn't be so sad or feel such the failure. I have three great kids that are growing up well. If I didn't do things "full out", where would they be now? I have to laugh at myself, sometimes. We all do the "if" question, do we not? Sigh... enough rambling for tonight. I have to think about what to write!

By the way... if you haven't seen the movie (Julie & Julia), I suggest you do. It is truly an inspiration!

Thinking about Next Christmas Already?

I am. I already began my Christmas shopping for next year yesterday. I braved the crowds of after-Christmas shoppers at Walmart. Yeah, me! I got a huge amount of stuff (at least I thought so...) for next Christmas, including stocking stuffers, which are always quick to get expensive.

But... for those of you who are always being asked what you want for Christmas... I found this handy little universal button from Amazon! supplied by a wonderful person on FrugalScrappersYahoo Group. You add this button to your browser tool bar and everytime you are on a site that has an item you want... you click "Add to My Wish List" and it stores the site to your Amazon wish list with the item! Loved ones can get your wish list and find the things you've been wishing for. What a great little tool! Now I only wish... that each person I gift to would get one of these handy little buttons!

To get yours... simply click on the link and move the little button to your toolbar! It's that simple. Here ya go! Click on Link

Been a While, but HEY! Merry Christmas!!!

Make a Smilebox greeting

Newcomings...

On the 4th, we tried to take Marissa to a small circus - the 5pm show. They informed us there wouldn't be a show due to lack of patrons. I wanted to inform them they wouldn't have an 8pm one either, as everyone would be wanting to see the fireworks. We watched as they turned away 4 more cars. They had said they needed at least 50. While we were watching, there went at least 20... who knows how many more they turned away. We got the impression they just didn't want to work...

So, here's a camel that wanted to say, "HI!" to me...So we ended up going to see Ice Age 3D: The Dawn of the Dinosaurs. It really was pretty good with lots of humor in it. I recommend it!

Yesterday, the girls (the older ones) got their belly buttons pierced. We had a deal. Clean room for a month, age 15 or more... belly buttons pierced. Here's their piercing many. I'd show you shots, but it didn't even hurt them, so... no dramatic photos. Bummer. Not even for their scrapbooks.

I picked this from my garden this morning. Do you know what it is?It is a Boston Pickling Cucumber. Looked funny... tasted great. Too bad there aren't any more right now. We split it between the three of us. Yum-O!

Oh! Stacy's visit on Sunday went great. We hope she stays in touch now and that we see her much more often. It was just like old times... You'd think time never left us.

That's all I got for now... Toodles for now! lisa

Happy Fourth of July!!!

I'm sure lots of you have plans for today, whether it's hanging out with your friends, bbq-ing, watching the fireworks, whatever... Some of you have to work, and some of you are not doing anything... No matter. No matter what, I want you to all to have a safe and happy holiday. Enjoy WHATEVER you may be doing!!! Toodles for now! lisa

Found a Long Lost Friend Last Night

Yep... after spending a lot of money on people search engines over the years and finding nothing current, I found my friend for free on Facebook.

What a hoot. I have been wondering about her for 15 years. Even my daughter (age 16) is named after her. She was the best friend I ever had in the whole wide world. We plan to meet on Sunday. I'll let you know how it goes.

Rey won't be able to meet her, though, unless we go to the pool. Hmm... maybe...

Don't know what we are gonna do for dinner, either. I'll think about it. But I'm just so glad to find her. We have so much to talk about and catch up on. When I talked to her last night, it was like we had never been apart (the friendship I mean). That's a good thing. Toodles for now! lisa