Raving, Ranting, and Waving My Hands

It's time to... RANT! Yes, it's been a while, but I should be able to get it all out, right? Uh, huh...

And here I go!

Remember those "friends" I mentioned before? Well, ayuh. Drama ensued last week, shortly after I'd posted about it. Go figure. Whatever.

It's odd to me that people remember only what is convenient for them and rationalize it all.

Like I said before... moving on. So not worth it.

Next up? I've been trying to catch up on some blog reading and commenting (everyone needs to feel the love once in a while, right?). And it is so BUGGERSOME that some bloggers have all kinds of protection tools on them. I'm generally ok with that, however, some of the things Blogger is putting up lately are so distorted, it may take several tries. It literally makes me want to stop commenting. (Understand though, my rant is at Blogger, itself, not the writers.) But, because I'm me, and I'd want someone to comment, not just lurk... I go ahead and retry, until the comment is either published or off to moderation.

Personally, I keep the pop-ups and word-verification off.  The only moderation I use is for 14 days old or more posts. I generally like to encourage rather than discourage people from commenting. Although... I still don't get much. There are always the lurkers.

Then, there are the stalkers... lol! If someone has nothing better to do than to read a blog to get information on someone that you know and Facebook, as well... then I laugh at you. Pick up the phone and call or text them. Open up your laptop and send an email or message them on some social network. Don't "do" things that affect your relationship based on what you read. If you are guilty of miscommunication, then communicate!

In today's technological times, communication has become horrible. People misconstrue so much and completely jump to conclusions. Then, they act out harshly and immaturely.  Grow up, people! Life is not Facebook. Life is not rumors and texting or forwarded emails. They have no clue unless you talk specifically to the person they are angry at or acting out at.

I wrote a post yesterday about my daughter and how she acts... Why I wouldn't necessarily be her "friend"... I wondered where she learned these behaviors from. I sort of knew they were learned from other kids.

Parents! Behave in front of your children. Teach your children the way YOU want to be treated. When you constantly show your children your own childish and impetuous tantrums, how do you expect them to act? They mimic you. YOU are their idols! They look up to you. And they should. So please... Do society a favor by teaching your children respect, kindness, compassion, courtesy (I believe that's a long-forgotten trait), honesty, and above all... support.

We all need to support each other to make society grow in a good way. By showing our children bad mannerisms and many destroyed friendships/relationships, we are teaching them how to have a completely dysfunctional life. And THIS contributes to a damaged society.

And just so you know... simple words can make any one's day. "Thank you," or other words of appreciation are always welcomed by others. Please don't forget that.

Now as for the RAVE...

I'm going to RAVE about all the people who ARE supportive and really try to do their best. You are unselfish and AWESOME! Great job. Even those of you who don't have kids, you still are out there setting a great example. We need a great many more role models like you.

Rave again... for all the people who visited and commented last week. I appreciate you. It is always fabulous to know I am not writing to myself... Yes, I'm crazy, but not that crazy!!! I hope you all continue to come back as I continue on and keep trying... THANK YOU! Peace out!

Mama Kat's Losin' It! Writing Prompt 5... It's a Doozy!

This week, up at Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop, there's a whole bunch of prompts to choose from.

I could... write about summer where I'm at. Um... it would be too simple... and boring. It's hot. I run the kid around most of the day and cater to my husband. Oh. And do normal household chores. Not much to tell...

I could... write about what I've done on Pinterest (one of my FAVORITE time-sucking sites!). I've done so much and (unlike Mama Kat) don't have a board of "What I've Tried", although... NOW I'm going to start one. It's such a fabulous idea. And so... I'd have to search through literally THOUSANDS of pins to find them, so I won't... today. Another day... maybe. It's a new goal. 

As a writer that needs some push sometimes, I felt the need to go with something that I might not want to do. It might hurt. Heck, it will hurt me. So... here we go. 

5.) When you were your youngest child’s age, what were you like? Would you have been friends with your child? Why or why not?

My youth has a lot of memories. Memories that I remember and cherish, and memories I'd really really like to forget. Pinpointing an age brings those harsh memories flooding back.

I was 8. I was in third grade. I wasn't perfect, but I was compassionate. I read a lot. My friends and I were all "smart". School smart. We all got straight A's and we read. We used big words that a lot of 8-year-olds don't even know, but we did... and we knew what they meant. And we sang LOTS of folk-type songs (music was a big thing in my school... you know before the horrible budget stuff all happened).  We respected all adults.  I had a few really close friends. We'd go stay the night at each other's houses, brush each other's hair. We shared our hopes, our dreams... everything... almost. But... I didn't share my secrets. My secrets would make me different. My secrets would make my friends think I was weird... or so I thought...

My secrets, even as an 8-year-old, were very dark. Things were going on in my life that I wasn't supposed to tell anyone. I'll simplify it to say like many many children, all over the world, I was  abused as a child. I was told not to tell anybody. I loved the person who abused me and didn't want that person to be in trouble or "go away forever". And so... I didn't.  I'm sure because of this secret, I appeared "weird" anyway. I'd always think that everybody knew. And they just were my friends out of pity, that they felt sorry for me. (and just so ya know... I've had "the talk" with all my kids. They know that if anybody touches them in an inappropriate place or manner or says anything to that affect, to tell me or someone else with authority. It's not their fault.)

Another secret was that I was "adopted". Not in the "full" sense, but by my step-father. Why nobody was supposed to know... I'll never understand. It's really not that big of a deal. But when you are the only blond person in a brunette family, and you say they're your parents... people, especially kids, just kinda don't believe you.

So, in a nutshell, I hid a lot of things. I still do. But... I was a great friend, as were my friends. We supported each other, very rarely had any type of argument, and agreed on so many things.

My daughter on the other hand...

My youngest child is 8. She's beautiful, she's fabulous, she's very outgoing. But... she's a brat. So are her friends.

In today's world, kids are a bit different. 

They are so much more competitive. "I call that!" OMGosh! It gets on my nerves. Things they can't even touch, things on the tv. Apparently, only one kid at a time can "like" something. Because... someone already "called it". So weird. They are always all trying to compete with each other for who did what the most or who knew who longer. Like it even EVER matters...

When times were different...
I still love the crap out of this little girl!

Then there are the parents that pretty much let their children do everything. My kid is NOT perfect, by any means. But... I had a parent and child come over once. The child decided to bounce and throw a ball in my house. The ball hit a glass globe (and that's how I found out... by the "clink"). I quickly came out of the kitchen and said, "There's no ball-throwing or bouncing in the house. You guys can go in the back yard and do that." I am not kidding, the child wrapped her arms around the ball, turned to the mom and said, "Mom..." (Total lack of respect here, huh?) And the mom replied, "It's one of her rules. I guess her house isn't child-proof." Umm... Wow. As far as I know and knew (at the time), it's a staple rule in most homes. It's just not something you DO! Anyway... getting to my point...

My daughter is surrounded by this type of disrespectful attitude and often has to be reminded to respect adults, opinions, and people, in general. (At least when I'm around. I sure hope she acts better when I'm not.)

All these kids argue a lot. They pick little things about each other and "not like" each other anymore. All. The. Time. There is more drama in an 8-year-old's life today than I ever remember. Someone will start a "group" and have all those kids "not like" someone because they are wearing ugly shoes that day. My kid gets her feelings hurt easily and a lot. I try to toughen her up, but it still happens. No... I'm not saying she gets bullied, by any means. I just see that she can't take it very well. But I know that she does it too. She gets the "talk to" all the time from me. About how to treat people. About how to be a good friend. About how not to spread rumors and start them, too. (I volunteer a lot at the school and am amazed by the gossip these kids generate. It is craziness, I tell ya!)

 

There are times, though, when my daughter is very caring... very loving... very compassionate... a very good kid. But it's all the times that she's not which makes me say...

In another nutshell.  No.  I would not be my child's friend. Then again, I wouldn't be friends with MOST of these kids today. I wouldn't "not like" them, I just wouldn't be friends with them. It blows me away. I'll continue to counsel and teach my daughter about friendship and other replationships. I hope it's within her to be the person I'd like her to be, instead of the majority of the time being a little Diva-ous Brat. And make no questions about it. I love my daughter. It's just the journey to her becoming a grown-up that is frustrating.

Thanks for visiting and getting the inside scoop of my head. I said this post would hurt. It hurts in more ways than one. Re-living my childhood and admitting I wouldn't be my daughter's friend. One day, I hope things will change on the latter. 

Getting off that topic, please go visit Mama Kat and visit all the other wonderful writers who inspire me all the time and help me to want to keep writing, as well.

Daddy No-Discipline

Who knows anymore. So much has happened, so much has changed. Where does one start and how much is too much to know? Yikes!

Let's start with a family of blended ages and discipline. Let me tell you. It. Is. Very. Hard. While my husband (2nd, by the way) is as nice as can be and loves us like no other, his discipline skills are completely lacking and inconsistent. I have two teenage daughters (16 & 17) of my own. He has two kids, boy (21) and girl (18). We then have a 5-year-old daughter... You get the picture. His kids grew up with their mom, and when they visited (over the years it's gotten WAY less...), he was not disciplinary with them. I was, however, as I believe that kids should be treated equally, and they liked me less for it (and asked to just stay out of it). So, needless to say, they have lacked discipline, both in their own home and ours. Thank goodness they are now "grown."

Some people think I'm pretty strict with my kids (nothing like Lynne Curtin on The Original Housewives of Orange County-YES! I do watch that show... DON'T look at me like that!). I believe I'm somewhere in the middle. I want my kids to see the whole picture, not just the "now" portion in front. I do things for a reason, not just because it suits my situation or is convenient for me. (We have missed many movies, because I felt one or more of them didn't deserve to go...) And for that, I am sorry to the child(ren) who has to suffer for one's mistakes. I suffer, too! I deal with the attitudes and crap that the punished and unpunished kid(s) give me. I can do no right, apparently. My kids are often "grounded" due to grades, the room being a mess (and I'm not really picky on that, but when you can't walk through the room without shoveling through... ya gotta get on them), backtalking or just "tone" in general.

Let's talk about "tone." Ummm... I find it utterly amazing they don't think they have an attitude, even when I explain their tones implied one. If you are short with me and speak in staccato sentences (short tones), this is a language of disrespect. I have raised them, put food on the table, fought for them (wherever) whenever need be, and I deserve to be talked to in a courteous manner. Some may tell me my girls are teenagers, and I need to realize that. Uh... HELLO! I do realize that but...

I have a 5-year-old "IN-THE-HOUSE" (palms pumping the air). If you don't know already, 5-year-olds (both genders) are utter parrots-physically, verbally, and emotionally. So, if you have teenagers... the 5-year-old is going to try to pull the same b.s. drama the teenagers do and treat you (me) like crap-o-la on it's worst day (you know, the day it ends up on your shoe?). As a parent that is trying to teach these kids to play nice in a not-so-nice world, I am trying to teach overall... up and beyond... that no matter how old you are... whether you are an adult, a teenager, or a little kid, learning from older siblings, THIS TYPE OF BEHAVIOR IS NOT OKAY!!!

It should not be allowed in schools, either. But... what are they going to do? (At this point, I'm not going to get into what the government has taken away from us in the form of discipline, because... well... that's a whole long 'nother story, and I'd like to climb down from my soap box for a drink of water.)

Anyway, I am not going to change the ways I parent my daughters. This will have to do.

Now... insert Daddy No-Discipline... *sigh* Raising a 5-year-old with 2 totally different disciplinary styles is the. hardest. thing. I've. ever. done. Even with her, he has no discipline, or does when he gets tired of hearing her nonstop questioning, talking, singing, whatever. He tells her to stop. That she talks too much. My heart hurts from hearing this. I get on her for doing "wrong" things. But these are the things little children are supposed to do. This is how they learn. This is how they get things answered. This is how they express themselves. I want all of my children to feel they are free to do these things. There is no "tone" problem, no backtalking, no disrespect (I actually believe there IS respect, as the child has got to respect someone to ask them so many questions and trust in their answers). She is just a chatty little girl, finding her way in the world. And WE are supposed to be the ones to guide her. Yet, when she is doing wrong, and I "punish" her with a time out (trust me... it's NOT very long), he is the first one to say that I'm being overly harsh.

Go figure. But, I've made an executive decision. As long as I am the one raising her (and my other girls, too), and he sleeps during the day and is gone most nights, I will be the one who keeps the rules. My rules. My morals. My demand for respect and my goals to help my children find their ways in the world... no matter how many questions I may have to answer.

Airing Out Some, and only Semi-Walking on Eggshells

On the eve of my daughter's 17th birthday (that means tonight), I have been thinking about some things that really bother me... quite a bit.

I have been walking on egg shells so much around so many people. I have tried to post as an honest person, but have really skirted issues that bring up much controversy. So... I am turning to Julie Powell and becoming as honest as I can, without mentioning names. If you know this is you, please understand that I went through great pains and many years of holding it in. I also went to great lengths and re-wording just so nobody could figure out it was you. But... I seriously doubt any of you read this, so... here goes.

There is a person in my life... he/she can be a friend or relative, it really doesn't matter. But... this person indirectly hurts more than 9 people (yes, I counted!) because of his/her lack of respect. This person blew at someone else (in the someone else's own home) very much disrespecting the someone else, and alienating others. So, "this person" feels that he/she should be able to keep everyone else moving around in circles to accommodate him/her, thereby forcing those of us who want to keep in touch with "this person" and this person's family by walking on egg shells. Now I'm sure there are some other issues... but in the end, the "right" thing to do would be to apologize. Afterall, if the "someone else" blew up at "this person" in "this person's" home, "this person" would have thrown out the someone else and expected an apology. But no... "this person" feels he/she has done no wrong and that the apology that should be given is not deserved. Whatever! Grow up and grow some balls yourself. Apologize out of respect, not necessarily out of right or wrong, but hey... you shouldn't have reacted so foolishly in the first place.

There is another person... he/she could be a friend or relative. (how vague is that?) This person constantly challenges me in front of my children, who might I remind you, are easily-influenced teenagers. This person has not reached the level of maturity that he/she should have by now. He/she is easily influenced by others, as well, but doesn't see it. He/she also doesn't see how much he/she has changed in the last year. It is not for the better. He/she's judgment and maturity has gone downhill. He/she just simply doesn't care what others think and therefore doesn't think before he/she speaks, no matter how hurtful it is to others. When called into question the things he/she says to me, in front of my children, he/she simply replied, "It's just issues I have with you." Well then, I say... you have issues with me? No worries, but you will not be displaying those in front of my kids. You have no children, you do not have the maturity to deal with children. Until you display a little more maturity and a better sense of judgment and responsibility, my kids will not be alone with you. No problem. Act like an adult. Act like the Christian you say you are. How dare you pass judgment on me, especially in front of my kids, when you know nothing of how to raise any. I will be blatently honest with this person for now on, as now I know it has to do with "me" and not just how stupid he/she can be.

Ok... one more person in my life that I walk on eggshells with... this one is a little harder to be super pc with. Ugh... I hate having to hide things. This person doesn't like drama, but expects me to share everything and anything with him/her. But, because life encompasses drama, I end up leaving a lot of my life out of our conversations. I don't feel I share all that much. (I don't seem to share all that much with anybody, as I don't want to seem "drama".) Anywho, so now I hide a lot and don't share a lot, so I am not exactly making my portion of the relationship, no matter what type of relationship it is. I don't tell this person what I am feeling when it comes to his/her family, especially his/her kids. This person is probably in total denial as to what is going on in his/her own family, especially with the kids. But... if he/she can't see it, I'm not going to be the one to burst his/her bubble! Sometimes denial or ignorance is the way to go... I guess. It probably makes life easier to deal with.

So... that's enough sharing for now. I'm still trying to think of what exactly to write about, but this came to mind. I really wanted to air it out. I have no one to really talk to about it all, because you never know who it's going to go back to, and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, especially when most of my friends/relatives are so hard-headed that they don't think they do any wrong anyway. Don't get me wrong... I do plenty, but at least I admit it.

I am not a perfect parent. I am doing the best I can and learning through my experience. I am trying to be a good person. Once again... I may not be perfect, but I'm doing the best I can and am learning through experience. Experience can be something to write about. Let me think on that one.

Re-thinking... a lot...

Tonight, I finally watched "Julie & Julia". I know... for some of you that know me, you might think that I'm a little behind and you thought I would've seen it by now, especially since I love to cook so much. The truth is... I knew the premise, and I felt saddened.

How could I have let so much of life go by and not feel that kind of ambition, determination, or commitment? Julie Powell made a goal and braved it on. She had many deterrents and many errors, but she kept on. Even when she found out her idol (Julia Child) was disinterested in her work, she finished her project. And what have I done? What do I want to do? Who knows... least of all me.

As I'm sure some of you have done (and lots of others, too... as I've read their comments to the now famous Julie Powell), I felt a little inspired by her story. I felt the need to return to my blog and update it. I have been extremely neglectful in the past 6 or so months, but here I am. What to write about is another issue, all its own.

After I watched the movie, I researched Ms. Powell. She came out with another book recently and is touring the country with it. It seems much darker than her first book, but still with the brutal honesty of herself. Can I be that honest? We all have skeletons we would like to keep hidden, some more so than others. There are things that some people would rather we not publicize. Hmmm... so, once again... what to write about?

But again, back to the research... I read several things about Julie (Powell, of course, I feel like I know her well enough now to be on a first-name basis!). I told my daughter about the (SPOILER ALERT!!!) affair Julie had, that it sure was different from the "perfect marriage" we thought she had from the movie. I told my daughter about various other things. My daughter seems to think I go "full out" too much. I like to research things, to find out information, gather different opinions, get the "full" scope of the matter prior to forming my own. I like to know as much as I can about a subject (sorry Julie - I don't mean you are a subject!) as I possibly can, or as much as I can understand, since it is not always possible to understand everything.

As I sit here, writing this, I am again saddened... I simply adored the movie. It was quite delightful. However, at its end, I needed more. When I researched and found more, I was rather happy with the knowledge (not of the adultery, mind you, just that I learned more) I'd found. But it is hurtful when your own child(ren) thinks you know too much, or that you shouldn't do things completely ("full"). I would hope that I was instilling into my children that to do things 100% is the way to go. Did I miss sending this message? Let's hope that she (my daughter) means it when she says, "I didn't 'mean' it, Mom."

Maybe I shouldn't be so sad or feel such the failure. I have three great kids that are growing up well. If I didn't do things "full out", where would they be now? I have to laugh at myself, sometimes. We all do the "if" question, do we not? Sigh... enough rambling for tonight. I have to think about what to write!

By the way... if you haven't seen the movie (Julie & Julia), I suggest you do. It is truly an inspiration!